13. Love, live, laugh

I am, to be honest, quite vain. I like to look nice, I like nice clothes and wearing makeup and I like to keep an ok figure. 

After having my children someone told me, it’s good to have stretch marks because they show you are a mum. I remember thinking… ‘I don’t need stretch marks to show I am a Mum, I have two boys constantly clinging to me’ (which I secretly love)

Now stretch marks are not really the issue, due to my lovely central scar, and my 5 little scars that go round it in a nice circle from my abdominal (laprarscopic) surgery to remove sid.

However my scar has changed me. When my surgeon saw me 3.5 weeks post surgery, he said ‘it’s a bit messy, sorry, you can always have a small surgery to sort that out’ 

I knew I was never going to do that. I realised that now I actually don’t mind my wrinkles, my thicker waist, my ageing hands. As now I want to get old. I want to get to 40… 50… 60! And beyond. 

I have just finished round 5 of chemo. My hands and feet are dry and sore, I go to the toilet a lot 🙄🙄 and I am tired… my poor body is a bit battered. However it is my body, my only one, and I am happy in it. 

I see my gorgeous perfect niece be bombarded by half naked women and make up ads and scary books about girls with isssues or girls in the ‘in crowd’ and it makes me sad. She doesn’t need any of the silly beauty products or the naff advice.

She needs to be happy in herself, to live, love and laugh, as we all do. Even men seem to be preened and more looks focused these days.. something I noticed after watching one love island episode (it wasn’t for me). The men were so made up.. and I thought goodness what is happening. Looks and clothes are becoming more important than who you are inside. It seems so vacuous. Sam is known for his lovely hair, but I hope, as he gets older, he gets to be known for something more than that… 

I have some major scars and stretch marks and cellulite. I have wrinkly hands and laughter lines and a forehead that has more lines that I feel is necessary. However, my body is part of my life story. It’s shaped by my life experiences, both the good and the bad. It shows I have lived, laughed and loved. It shows I have a story and hopefully a future. How could I not love it for that. 

Also I realise this body of mine needs some tlc. Excersise and good food, but not for looks. I need to care for it, do everything I can to keep it healthy, to listen to it more and not take it for granted!  

So next time you look in the mirror, don’t worry about all the imperfections, smile at the wonderful memories these imperfections bring to you. Know you have loved, lived and laughed. 

… and take care of your amazing body

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